Let’s be honest for a moment shall we, although I have yet to blog anything that was a lie.

I sat down to write this as quick as possible a.k.a. as soon as the words started to form in my head so that I won’t chicken out from posting it. Or forget what I was thinking- you’d be surprised how often that happens.

Being a JW does not mean that everything is perfect, it does not mean that in every instance I behave like the mirror image of Jesus. Which I mean you know that, of course.

But if I’m being honest with myself, I am a highly insecure person who expects myself to be something close to perfection. Which of course is unachievable(thanks Adam & Eve), so it’s a bet I’ll lose.

The topic for today: my inability to share what my experience has been thus far.

I mean can I get anymore inconsistent? It’s not that I don’t have things to share about my life thus far. I do, I mean the drafts are stacking up of experiences I’ve written about and never posted.

But it’s been hard, I didn’t expect the trials that have presented themselves.

To name a few:

  • dealing with depression
  • learning how to be content
  • dealing with loneliness
  • learning the proper ways to communicate
  • learning how to properly express and dispose of emotions
  • learning how to maintain a regular spiritual routine

It hasn’t been that JDub experience I expected from Cali, but at the same time I wouldn’t go back to the U.S.. I realize that the same way Germany didn’t turn out the way I expected, should I return to Cali that too wouldn’t be the same.

Circumstances have changed, I wouldn’t be in the same place as I was before I left. Not to mention, no matter where you go there will ALWAYS be problems and disappointments.

I guess I just didn’t want to share something that could potentially discourage a brother or sister. I will say though, these experiences are broadening the box of my life. I’m learning things about myself in the process, and the picture of Jehovah is no longer the same as well.

It’s a learning experience.

Not to mention, I’m almost 100% positive that it’s only hard for right now, it wont be like that always, right? Right. This is only the beginning.

Well before I start crying, I’m going to go.. (Don’t worry 50% of the tears will be because I can’t make you love me sung by Dave Thomas Jr. is playing… Shuffle amirite?)

Have a wonderful week friends, love always, Emma.


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